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Divorce Care

Tips for Divorcing Couples

1. Take Inventory

  • Ask yourself, have I prioritized my spouse?
  • Has she or he been number one in my life or has my attention been elsewhere?
  • Have I been responsive to his or her needs or have I taken them for granted?
  • Have I been accessible and present in my marriage?
  • Take responsibility for your half of the dysfunction no matter what position your spouse takes.

2. Consider All Your Options

  • Many marriages can be restored through marriage counseling or relationship coaching.
  • Find a marriage counselor or relationship coach who is committed to coming alongside you to help you repair the marriage.
  • A good marriage counselor or relationship coach isn't one that will tell you what to do, but rather, is trained to help you resolve your conflict -- help you get unstuck.
  • A good marriage counselor or relationship coach will train you in effective communication and conflict resolution skills as well as equip you with intimacy-building skills to help you bring back the spark.

3. Be Proactive

  • Being proactive is the key. If you get help early on when problems appear you'll be in and out of therapy quicker than if you wait until one of you wants a separation or divorce.
  • Marriage is the union of two hearts. Breaking apart that union is not simple or pain-free. The legal aspects of divorce are only 20% of the process. 80% of a divorce is the emotional and spiritual work needed to be completed to truly be set free from this union.

4. Divorce Recovery

  • For individuals and couples going through, or who have gone through the daunting, and often times traumatic process of dissolving their marriage, it is important to get assistance to help you stabilize and heal.
  • With support, you will navigate the process in a way that will promote a quicker path to healthy living and recovery from your loss. In turn, this work will then put you on a path to true love.

 

Consider a 12-week counseling or coaching package to help you find your way. Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net, speak with her directly at 954-49-4566 or visit www.fearlesslove.net. Phone and Skype consultants available.

Spring Cleaning for Your Marriage:

 
Detox From These 10 Intimacy Blockers!
 

Have you been in a marriage for some time now, but lately you feel disconnected and plagued with loneliness? Sure, you share the same roof over your heads, but are you actually sharing conversation and quality time together, both sexual and non-sexual?  Let’s face it, you can use an intimacy boost.

Just like there are elements in the environment and in our foods that are toxic to your physical health, there are elements that block you from marital intimacy. These Intimacy Blockers leave us feeling disconnected, isolated, unworthy or unlovable and many times lead to mental and physical health conditions.  In many ways, they are just as dangerous as environmental toxins and should be taken out of our relationships completely.

Here are 10 toxic attitudes and behaviors to cleanse yourself from ASAP that block intimacy and authenticity in your marriage and relationships:

1. Defensiveness

Constantly protecting yourself - from criticism or exposure of your shortcomings, or from other real or perceived threats to the ego- cuts off your ability to receive correction and support from those who care about your. It leaves them feeling hurt, upset, and disregarded.

2. Silent Treatment

Maintaining an aloof silence toward another is an expression of anger or disapproval and punishes the other person. It deteriorates communication and leaves them confused, cut-off and feeling helpless.

3. Mean Spiritedness

Expressing a desire to harm or cause pain to someone is very destructive. It leaves the other person feeling vulnerable and betrayed. They will loose their confidence and trust in your. And you look like a jerk.

4. Judgment/Criticism

Consistently expressing disapproval of someone, using condescending, negative comments and even jesting put-downs is non-supportive of the other person or the relationship. It makes the other person feel insignificant and it looks like nothing they do will ever measure up to your expectations.

5. Selfishness

Concerned exclusively or excessively with yourself and seeking your own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others leaves the other person feeling used and unimportant.

6. Blame

Pointing the finger or placing responsibility for a fault or error away from you and on someone else is divisive. You come across as a non-team player.

7. Addictions/ Escapism

Turning to persistent, compulsive mood-altering behaviors that you turn to in order to escape from unpleasant realities is very destructive. This makes your loved ones feel abandoned as they are left to face life’s challenges alone. 

8. Avoidance

Due to feeling very shy, inadequate, sensitive to rejection or fear of conflict, you hold back from engaging your loved ones and speaking the truth about difficult topics. If you want to be in a relationship, you need to fully show up and be accounted for. This behavior creates shallow relationships lacking depth, meaning and closeness.

9. Victim Mentality

Feeling powerless to change your life or circumstances leads you to blame everyone else for what happens in your world. This is very destructive and eventually your self-pitying drama will push everyone away.

10. Resentment and Bitterness

Maintaining bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly rather than granting forgiveness is detrimental to your health as well as your relationships. Set appropriate boundaries with individuals who are treating you unfairly and unkindly, but let go of your bitterness.  We all are capable of hurting each other.

It’s important to recognize which of these you gravitate to when unhappy or under pressure and stop them. Find ways to express how you feel without using destructive patterns of relating. Once purged from these toxins, you’ll engage your relationships more authentically and your marriage will experience an intimacy boost that will carry you from spring to summer and into every season of your life!

 

Go from stuck to irresistible with a 12-week singles or couples coaching package. Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net, speak with her directly at 954-495-4566 or visit www.fearlesslove.net. Skype and phone consultations available.

Men: Make Marriage Sizzle Valentines and Beyond!​​

Three tips to enjoy more sex, deepen your connection, and sustain a passionate relationship.

1.  Pursuit

Wooing your wife will go a lot further than you think. Women feel desired, beautiful, and wanted by their husband’s advances, as long as sexual conquest isn’t the only time you focus attention toward her. Taking for granted that sex comes with marriage is boring! On the contrary, seizing the opportunity to create a deeper connection by a little kiss here and a little kiss there, then walking away, will peak her interest.

The secret to pursuing is creating a rhythm. First, connect with her - intellectually, emotionally, physically or spiritually. This will result in experiencing feelings of togetherness or closeness. Being suggestive, such as leaving a flower on her pillow or her car’s windshield, or gazing at her while kissing your child, evokes delight and romantic intrigue.

Second, when the moment is past go about your business. Third, later in the day, make another connection that results in feelings of togetherness such as reflecting back to her or following through on things that are important to her. Your wife will receive it as an affirming, caring act. Engaging in a daily ritual of ebbing and flowing, of togetherness and separateness, creates mystery and strengthens your relationship by renewing interest, passion, and desire for one another.

2.   Communication

If men fall in love between their eyes, women fall in love between their ears. Do you recall the first time you laid eyes on your wife? One of the first things you did or wanted to do was to talk with her. Talking, texting and any form of communication is sexy. Women need openness and transparency in order to build trust and feel safe. This dynamic played a huge part for her, initially, in opening her heart to you. Don’t underestimate the power of seduction found in talking and communicating.

Learning to be a good listener as well as expressing your innermost experiences and feelings is key. Note that women use communication for many reasons, one of which is to alleviate stress. If you give her 20 minutes when she is ranting and raving and not try fixing her or the issue (unless she asks), it will pass. She’s just venting.

Sharing of thoughts, ideas and musing conversations are a fundamental part of a loving rapport between a man and a woman. Creating time to share meaningful conversations will rekindle your love and affection. Make it an escape from the outside world and an invitation to each other’s inner world.

3.   Pleasure

Women generally need time to warm up, in order to feel sexual and have an orgasm. Therefore, great lovers know how to take their time with their lady. Intimate time together should be a zone free of worry, pressure and defensiveness. Pay attention to what feels pleasurable to your spouse. Reaching an orgasm isn’t the goal but rather the result of enjoying each other.

Cultivating an attitude of playfulness with your partner will also score big. Be willing to take chances and try new things. Viewing your sex life as a place to explore your connection with yourself and your partner is sexy. Connect with different emotions - laughing, incorporating power play and role playing, or expressing darker emotions and desires. Don’t forget to engage with all of your five senses - touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound.

Being playful and adventurous will require you to be willing to move outside your comfort zone, challenging you to let go of some control. Great sex requires some uncertainty. The “not knowing” fuels sexual energy and passion toward each other. You'll enjoy sex more, deepen your connection, and sustain a passionate relationship.

Great lovers aren't born; they're made. Choosing to be more attentive to your partner, being a more open communicator, intentionally ebbing and flowing in and out of togetherness, and embracing playfulness to create new experiences can lead you to a blazing fire! A few simple changes can bring back the spark almost overnight.

 

Check out my article "7 Smart Ways To Romance Your Sweetie!" on the YourTango website for expert advice on love and relationships.

Bring back the spark with a 12-week couples coaching package. Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net, speak with her directly at 954-495-4566 or visit www.fearlesslove.net. Phone and Skype consultations available.

Successful and Alone: A Case of a Broken Picker?

Could you be suffering from the ACOA Personality Type?

Dear Fearless Love,

A few months ago, I went through my second divorce, a marriage that lasted about 3 years.  I admit, I am attracted to women who need me more than those who are my equal. I took my time before I got married again and I thought this time I really had the right one.  

I have a demanding and successful career that provides a comfortable lifestyle for my family.  I have full custody of my children from my first marriage and they are good kids who seem to have adjusted well. I have always taken care of my parents due to my father’s alcoholism.  I have paid off their home and make sure they are taken care of.

I don’t usually have a lot of time for myself, but when I do I may visit a gentleman’s club. At night, I spend a few minutes on an adult site to take the edge off and sleep better. On the outside, I have everything but when it comes to relationships, I feel like a failure.

Franco

 

Dear Franco,

It must be very confusing to have so many things the world would deem as successful yet having a successful marriage isn’t one of them. On one hand, the skills you learned in childhood to manage the chaos and survive the traumatic events surrounding your family have served you well.  On the other hand, these survival skills have left you fighting years of negative imprinting that work against intimacy and happiness in adult relationships.

Take a look at some characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) Personality type and see if you can relate:

  1. As a child experienced parental abandonment due to addiction, illness, etc.; subsequently, experienced reversal of roles with your parent(s) forcing you to grow up quickly.
  2. Choose unhealthy, toxic partners where you become the co-dependent or love addict; consequently, involved in high conflict relationships, break ups and/or grief.
  3. Need full control of the relationship; experienced by others as controlling.
  4. Have a high lust and sex drive, which is used to soothe anxiety and validate self-worth.
  5. Sublimate personal needs and have low self-esteem, plus a performance orientation, leading to over-functioning in relationships and compulsive work habits. These in turn lead to external success, sometimes confounded by a high burn-out rate and/or compassion fatigue.
  6. Have a shadow life surrounding a secret, which masks fear of abandonment, insecurities, fear of rejection, fear of being alone, and constant worrying.
  7.  A strong sense of inadequacy leading to taking things personally, fearing authority figures, and  quickly blaming others for their inadequacy, all of which are perceived by others as arrogance.
  8.  Tend to be overly serious and perfectionistic, masking feelings of unworthiness.

                

It will take your full commitment to personal growth in order to find the balance you so need and crave. Unlike in childhood where you had to figure it all out alone, today you will need to start by creating a support team: a psychotherapist who understands Adult Children Of Alcoholics personality type, a spiritual mentor, a spiritual practice, a 12-step group and plan, supportive friends,  and educating yourself thoroughly about this topic. Expect this to be a journey that will take its time, but at the end you will have your heart’s desire to love and be loved.

 

Start your self-discovery journey with a 12-week singles or couples coaching package. Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net, speak with her directly at 954-495-4566 or visit www.fearlesslove.net. Phone and Skype consultations available.

A Smart Woman’s Guide to Love and Happiness in 2015

A New Year’s Resolution
 

Did you know that 2+0+1+5 = 8 and the biblical meaning of eight is a new beginning? That is great news for our love lives —for we are being reset! Say good-bye to unfulfilling relationships.

Nurturing these eight habits in 2015 will position us to receive all the best this new season has to offer:

1.   Prioritizing self-care. Getting a good night’s rest, eating nutritious meals and exercising set a good start for harnessing positive energy and looking our best. Remember, the key is to make small and conscious choices.

2.  A grateful heart. Starting each morning with an appreciation or affirming thought puts us a step closer to our heart’s desire. “Thank you, the love of my life is waiting for me" or "Thank you, this is the year I become financially independent.”

3.  Ditching negative thinking - about ourselves, our loved ones, and our circumstances.  Replacing them with positive, affirming statements. “This is the year I will get married or this is the year I will find my soulmate."

4.  Not sweating the small stuff.  What seems like the “biggest problem ever” in the moment, in time, will become a speck of dust. Breathe and remind yourself, “Everything is just the way it’s supposed to be. It will all work together for good.”

5.  Practicing forgiveness. Holding onto resentment saps our energy and keeps us stuck in the past. Forgiveness sets us free and our hearts become open to love.

6.  Choosing friends and relationships that inspire. The people we surround ourselves with will either become a spring board or will hold us back. Hanging out with unmotivated or negative people will keep us stagnant and make us depressed.  We need to walk alongside the right people to achieve our greatest level of happiness and success.

7.  Developing a creative ability. Whether you want to cook like a gourmet chef, entertain your friends and family with your musicality or learn how to use water color, create the time. Investing in ourselves has huge dividends with residual effects, like, feeling happy.

8.  Laughing more. Being more spontaneous and being sillier takes the edge off and releases endorphins that offset stress. Do you know what the number one thing that captivates a man's heart? It's our positive energy. So go ahead and glow! As women, when we walk as beacons of light and love we fulfill our purpose and are casting a wide net to catching our fish.

 

Usher in real love in 2015! Start the New Year with a 12-week singles or couples coaching package. Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net, speak with her directly at 954-495-4566 or visit www.fearlesslove.net. Skype and phone consultations available.

Tired of Having to Figure Things Out? 12 Signs Your Husband is Passive-aggressive

Dear Fearless Love,

I recently celebrated five years of marriage with my husband whom I hope to spend the rest of my life with.  He’s a reserved man who gets along with my family and is a good father.  However, I have a few issues with him and I don’t want to complain, but I hope you can help me.  There are times I feel he lacks ambition and direction.  Sometimes I feel like his mother, having to figure things out for him.  Just this week we got into a fight about his inability to go after a better paying job. He insists that he can’t take the exam needed to get the promotion, because tests give him too much pressure!  Another issue is he never initiates sex and now with our kids, I am too tired to initiate.  Our sex life is pretty nonexistent!  I’m frustrated and don’t know how to help him, even though I do love him.  What do you suggest?    -   Emilie

 

Dear Emilie,

I hear your frustration. While you are married to a good man, there are dynamics in the relationship frustrating you – having to work hard to carry your responsibilities and his, having to mother or­ fix him, having to initiate sex, being his support system to help him with his career and personal life, making him look good to the world, etc.  No wonder you are tired!

The traits you’ve discussed coincide with the characteristics of a person who deals with passive-aggressive tendencies. At the core, this individual is a poor communicator who may come across as shy. He may be romantic one moment and distant and critical the next. The following will help you determine if you are in a relationship with an individual with passive-aggressive tendencies:

  1.  Suppresses anger that later is released through vindictive actions against you
  2.  Will go long periods of angry silence or specific subjects will be changed on questioning
  3.  Procrastinates on projects and events
  4.  Emotionally withdraws and doesn’t forgive and forget easily, if at all
  5.  Manipulates and uses put-downs to get his point across
  6.  Has an air of innocence and enjoys playing the victim
  7.  Has poor leadership skills  and shows little incentive to get what he wants
  8.  A yes-man seeking approval and to avoid confrontation
  9.  Withholds sex to punish his spouse and make her feel undesirable
  10.  Acts like a dependent child needing to be nurtured by a strong partner
  11.  Tries to control his spouse due to his fears of dependency
  12.  Hides resentment and fear behind a “Mr. Good Guy” persona making you look crazy for getting upset with him  

These dynamics of guessing your husband’s needs and taking care of his responsibilities then later be punished for it can be addressed in therapy or relationship coaching.  You both can be equipped with the communication skills necessary to help your husband express himself effectively without reverting to primitive punishing behaviors. You will also be coached out of the parent-child roles where you’ve been stuck and guided to a different style of relating to achieve a more harmonious marriage. The key is to be proactive - don't wait another five years.

 

Go from stuck to irresistible! Start the New Year with a 12-week singles or couples coaching package. Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net, speak with her directly at 954-495-4566 or visit www.fearlesslove.net. Phone and Skype consultations available.

10 Insights for an Irresistible Relationship in 2015

Wisdom I Wish I Had Years Ago
  1. The grass isn’t greener. It’s all illusion.  Marriage to a person who lacks the openness for personal growth is a prison sentence.  So is being single and having to keep busy every minute of the day, in order not to feel the loneliness that comes from not having a spouse. It’s hard work on both ends!
  2. It’s all about you. You want a happy marriage or relationship but haven’t got the foggiest idea on how to cultivate or attract one.  Becoming a safe person or a safe harbor for your partner is the perfect beginning. Dare to be the best version of you in 2015!
  3. Proceed with caution. There are individuals playing the field. They don’t want a committed relationship... just the benefits!  These individual aren’t surrendering their hearts to anyone and live isolated from true intimacy.  The problem:  you can’t tell the difference between those who want a healthy relationship and are willing to work at it and those who are working you to take you to the cleaners!
  4. Don’t take it personal. It’s simply a matter of a mismatch. What they want (sex, financial gains, shelter, stability and security, a parent to take care of them, or simply, just to own you) and what you want, don’t match. It’s not personal! They simply have not evolved beyond selfishness. Real love is set apart by its desire and commitment to devote itself to another and undergirded by peace, respect, compassion, honesty and understanding.
  5. Learn to let go.  Leave the people, places and things in 2014 that do not bless your life or challenge you to be a better human being. Release them without letting go of your hopes and dreams. Your hopes and dreams go with you. They don’t die with a loss of a relationship but continue to shine bright guiding you in the New Year and beyond.
  6. Slow and steady wins the race. Learn to not attach yourself to anyone or any notion that doesn’t line up to your values and standards. Only then will you hold on tight!
  7. This world kidnaps us with an illusion of love. While the love we give as human beings is imperfect, only God’s love is perfect.  His unconditional love is transformational when we willingly receive it. Only then are we in a position to experience the greatest gift you will ever have -- to love and be loved in return without any barriers or conditions. Make 2015 the year you fully embrace God’s unconditional love for you!
  8. Know who you are and on what rock you stand. Your values, dreams and what you stand for will guide you to what you accept and don’t accept in your life’s journey.
  9. Treat others as you want to be treated. Make love, respect, and honesty a cornerstone of your life. Always speaking your truth and honoring your word.
  10. Love only exists in relationships -- to self, God and others. Our interconnectedness hinges on trust or faith. The best gift you can give yourself is to be a man or a woman that is worthy to be entrusted with someone else’s heart because then, and only then, will you be and your relationships be -- simply irresistible.                                                                               

Start the New Year with a 12-week singles or couples coaching package and go from stuck to irresistible!  Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net or speak with her directly at 954-495-4566 or www.fearlesslove.net.  Skype and phone consultations available.

 

Holiday Blessings

Blessings to friends, family and colleagues who’ve supported me through-out the years, to my clients who have entrusted me with their deepest and tender parts and blessings to you reading and sharing my blog.  May my work help you to be your best self and assist you in sustaining a marriage that is simply irresistible.

The November blog, which identified and gave tips on dealing with a sociopath, one of several toxic personality types, received an overwhelming response. Thousands of you read it and hundreds shared it. Based on your response, I will continue to write on other toxic personalities to help you steer clear from a potential nightmare or perhaps help you understand the one you are in!

Wishing you and your family love, health and success in 2015!

Jianny

 

Start the New Year with a 12-week singles or couples coaching package and go from stuck to irresistible! Please contact Jianny at jianny@fearlesslove.net or speak with her directly at 954-495-4566 or www.fearlesslove.net.

3 Tips To Finding Your Holiday Spirit After Divorce

Finding the Holiday Spirit When Feeling Grumpy Lonely and Blue

Dear Fearless Love,

I am divorced about 1 year and am wondering if it’s important to keep my traditions of celebrating the holidays.  I find myself changing the stations on the radio and don’t want to hear the Christmas songs.  Decorating and sending season’s greetings at one time in my life meant something, but honestly, there isn’t much that I can say I like about the Christmas season any more. Even seeing couples shopping together is annoying! I wasn’t always this negative, but after the divorce, my children won’t talk to me!  Last year, I boycotted the holidays. I don’t want to turn into a Mr. Scrooge! Any suggestions on how I can do this?

-Jamie

 

Dear Jamie,

Divorce affects every aspect of our being. One of these losses, initially, can be the loss of holiday tradition. Traditions anchor our celebration of love, family and our successes and achievements. After divorce, suddenly, the holidays are no longer the season to gather ‘round, give thanks, or be jolly.  Instead, they become a tricky maze of resentment, loneliness, sadness, loss and/or apathy.

Honoring traditions helps stabilize us and help us feel secure—gives us a sense of normalcy. Doing the holidays as a single means finding ways to integrate some of your favorite traditions and creating new ones.

 

3 things to help you find the Christmas spirit after divorce or loss:

  1. Give yourself the gift of YOU.  Be kind and patient with yourself while you are in this transitional state. Recognize you are grieving a major loss and pause to exhale the sadness and loneliness. Be careful not to entertain the pity party or to make bitterness your friend. These will keep you stuck in victimization.  Giving yourself what you need –  a good cry, encouraging words from a friend, a good workout, meditation, prayer, speaking with a therapist and reading spiritual and self-help literature will aid in moving you passed this phase.
  1. Something old and something new. Channel your creativity and remain flexible.­­­­­ Don’t try to recreate everything or abandon everything associated with the holidays - be selective and keep it simple. Shifting into curiosity can make new traditions more fun and enjoyable. Try sending e-cards to a select few.  Plan ahead with friends, family and coworkers or consider taking a trip to spend the holidays with a loved one who’s far away. Instead of buying gifts for everyone in the family consider blessing a family within the community who is in need.
  1. Comfort and joyNeither the gifts under the tree nor the size of the turkey are indicative of a joyous holiday season. One of the reasons we celebrate the birth of Christ is that in Him we have forgiveness and the promise of new life. Extend an olive branch to your children and try to make amends with them. Time, along with a new perspective, can make all things new again.

 

If you are a dealing with a loss or grief and would like to contact Jianny, please email her Jianny@fearlesslove.net or speak with her at 954-495-4566.

Are You In Love With a Charming Sociopath? Know The Signs!

Jianny AdamoDear Fearless Love,

A year ago I broke off a 15-month on-and-off-again relationship with someone I was deeply in love with. When we were together he was fun and made me laugh, and we talked for hours.  He liked being spontaneous, which I found exciting, but it meant he never planned our dates.  He wouldn’t define our relationship and he also didn’t want to involve our families or friends. When we saw each other it always involved being intimate even after I had just finished saying I didn’t want that! I fought with him about this blatant disregard for my wishes and safety, and I found myself asking him over and over again if he really cared about me or anything at all.  As much love as I felt for him, many times he left me feeling confused and insecure.  When I would break up with him, he would write me love letters and bring me gifts, so I believed things had changed.

Recently, I noticed he is pursuing other women as he pursued me – so sweet and charming!  I feel betrayed! Doesn’t he know how much he’s hurt me? Is it normal to feel so hurt even after a year apart?

Jana

 

Dear Jana,

It sounds like the relationship, while very enjoyable in some respects, also brought you much inner turmoil.  The behaviors you describe fit some of the traits of a sociopath - someone who is charming but manipulative, who experiences little empathy, shame, or remorse. He entices you with his words and invades your personal space, expertly building rapport to create a false sense of intimacy with you. But he’s not sincere and has no desire to honor you.

Someone who fits into this category tends to disregard your rights and sentiments, often violating stated boundaries around sexual integrity and your physical being.  He cannot commit well to relationships and wants to “keep you all to himself”, isolated from friends and family. Drawing you ever closer to himself, initially may make you feel special, but in truth, he’s increasing your dependency and vulnerability to him.  Often this is done with a play for your sentiments and compassion.

In finally breaking up with this man, you stopped playing his game, so he has moved on and doesn’t care if you see him for who he is.  For you, this was about love.  For him, it was about what he could get. This type of individual lives in the moment. Based on his inherent lack of trust, there is no tomorrow. Your feelings of betrayal are real and understandable.  You should consider yourself lucky, though, that you got out of this toxic relationship.  Marriage would not have changed his behavior.  Your heart will heal and it is free to love someone who is deserving of it and able to return what you have to give.

Additional signs to help identify a sociopathic individual:

  • An underdeveloped individual who lacks ability to love, to live by higher values or possess a sense of obligation based on an emotional attachment to another
  • Guiltlessly charms others in order to take advantage of them through parasitic relationships
  • Disregards the safety of others and is indifferent to the one he has mistreated, hurt or stolen from
  • Fails to conform to social norms or lawful behaviors and may have a history with trouble with the law
  • Fails to honor financial obligations, subsequently can be in and out of financial turmoil
  • Avoids sustained effort, organized projects, commitment, long-term goals or plans
  • Chronically bored and empty, therefore lives in pursuit of a “rush”
  • Impulsive and never monogamous
  • Gravitates towards behavioral addictions to sex, porn and/or substances
  • Does not miss others when they are alienated or gone

If you suspect being involved with a sociopathic individual, it’s important to seek professional assistance.  For questions or support contact Jianny at Jianny@fearlesslove.net or at 954-495-4566.

13 Rules On Dealing With A Sociopath

Most people believe sociopaths are just the mass murders in our society; however, that is not the truth. Estimates say that 1 in 25 of humans are diagnosable with this disorder. Chances are you will cross paths or have already engaged in a relationship with a one.

Charmer. Con artist. Chameleon. Master Manipulator.  These are just a few names by which you may have come to know a sociopath, an individual that experiences little to no conscious guilt, empathy, shame or remorse and has an ongoing pattern of disregard for the rights and concern of others.

If you find yourself in a relationship with a sociopath you will know by the ­­­­­­violations you are sustaining to your sentiments, physical being, sexual integrity, and/or finances. The following guidelines will help you to deal with the sociopath, as well as other types of toxic and abusive personalities:  

13 rules on dealing with a sociopath:

  1. Accept that some people truly have no conscience.  If you have been in denial, it’s time to recognize that you are being violated and stop making excuses or accepting excuses for consistently bad behaviors.
  2. Go with your instincts or intuition vs. the implied role he has taken on. Sociopaths are excellent communicators. Don’t believe him.
  3. Give three strikes:  First offense look at the claims, responsibilities, and promises made or implied and address any inconsistencies. Do not sweep them under the rug.  Was it a simple mistake or recklessness? Second offense or neglect of responsibility: consider if you are placing­­­­ yourself in physical, emotional, or financial risk. What is your personal cost to staying in this relationship? By the third strike, cut your losses!
  4. Be suspicious of those who don’t want you to question them and do question authority.
  5. Don’t confuse fear with respect. Know what R-E-S-P-E-C-T means to you and teach others how you want to be treated. BTW - Abusive individuals are not very teachable.
  6. Do not join the game. Don’t try to redeem them. D­­­­on’t try to get even. It only prolongs involvement and delays your recovery.
  7. Avoid and refuse any contact or communication with the abuser. Change jobs and residence if necessary.
  8. Don’t live in isolation. Sociopaths seek those who are isolated, insecure, and vulnerable. Be part of a caring community.
  9. Enlist support from family and friends, Human Resources, an attorney, therapist and/or the police. Join a support group such as Aftermath: Surviving Psychopathy.
  10. Document. Document. Document.
  11. Recognize the “Pity Play”, which is his weapon of choice to hook into your sentiments and compassion, enabling him to get away with murder.  Genuine remorse or repentance is introspective, the individual wants to pay restitution and is willing to be held accountable. Don’t be so quick to give your time, money, home, car, or care. Make sure he isn’t putting you through a cycle of abuse, which includes a period of romance and good behavior before they act out again.
  12. Never agree to help him conceal his true character.  He will tell you not to tell anyone but don’t keep his secrets.
  13. Share your experience.  It can help others not fall victim and can help you find purpose.

If you or a loved one has been in a relationship with a sociopath or a toxic individual, most likely you have experienced a loss of trust and a loss of sense of security. Working with a professional will expedite healing and recovery. It will help you to release the negative emotions lodged by this traumatic encounter and help you to embrace joy, peace, trust and intimacy.

Take back your life and well-being for living well is the best revenge.

 

Some of these guidelines are based on the work of Martha Stout, Ph. D., The Sociopath Next Door. For support or questions contact Jianny Adamo at Jianny@fearlesslove.net or call 954-495-4566.

Ask FearLess Love: Relationship Wrecker

I Can't Stop Complaining

I tend to find something negative to say in about most things and I greet most of my husband’s ideas with negativity. It drains me and it depresses my husband.  I know I need to have more gratitude and see the good in life.  When my husband points out my complaining, I typically tell him that I just see things as they really are, and then he gets offended. For a day or so, I’ll lighten up on the negative comments and then I’m right back at it.  It’s ruining my relationship. What can I do to stop and give my husband a break from my negativity?  Can a habitual complainer stop – and stop poisoning our marriage?

- Noreen

 

 

Dear Noreen,

I agree that a habitual complainer can poison a marriage.  It might help to think where this negativity is coming from. Perhaps your negativity comes from feeling depleted.  Consider prioritizing replenishment, play and pleasure in your life and in your marital relationship. Focusing on these on a daily basis minimizes pain, counters sadness, depression, anger, loneliness; fatigue. It also minimizes self-medicating behaviors such as turning to food for comfort, or using caffeine for energy, and alcohol for relaxation. It reduces health risks such as diabetes, cancer, heart disease, arthritis, and any stress related illness.

As an individual and as a couple discover how to restore and replenish each other’s energies through what pleases and pleasures you:

 

  • Research what brings you pleasure - white or dark chocolate, dancing, playing golf?
  • Create daily pleasure practices at home – sunset walks, aroma therapy massage; bubble baths.
  • Create daily pleasure breaks at work - take 10 – 15 minutes in the morning and afternoon to chat with your co-workers or for a quick lap around the parking lot. Don’t skimp on your lunch hour. Eat your meal and then go do something fun i.e., a manicure or a 30- minute foot reflexology massage.
  • Create time in your schedule and guard your daily pleasure breaks.

Instead of spending so much energy problem-solving or in negativity, why not balance your time having fun alone and/or with each other? Think together about what you can do to add pleasure and play to your life and marriage. When you are busy having fun and enjoying your life, there is no time for complaining!

 

Never Married-Over 40 a Red Flag?!

I met a woman the other day who referred to me as a “red flag” – that is someone she shouldn’t date. And why? Because I’m in my late forties and have never married. She said I would be a “better risk” if I was “at least “divorced? Ouch! What do you think? I’ve spent a lot of time working, traveling, and building my company. I’m currently single but have had girlfriends here and there. I just haven’t met the right woman. Do you think a man who has never married and is in his forties is a “red flag”? Any advice on handling comments like this? This is the second time I’ve been told something along these lines.

Max

 

Dear Max,

The young adult years focus on two areas: creating a career path and finding our way to intimacy/love. Developmental Psychologist Erik Erickson describes a basic conflict of Intimacy vs. Isolation. He believes this needs to be resolved by the time we are 40 or we suffer with feelings of isolation. While you have worked on the career path part, it sounds like the second has perhaps not had so much attention. Therefore, your friend’s concern is understandable, since having a happy marriage takes communication and intimacy skills, commitment, and love, as well as collaboration, cooperation and attachment. There is a regular give and take, which means you lose some freedom in order to achieve partnership. Someone who has gone through his or her 20’s and 30’s without committing to marriage might find engaging in these new habits difficult.

What’s more -- marriage is the only relationship that we make by choice where we are completely vulnerable to another human being -- financially, physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally and spiritually.  These things are foreign to a middle-aged adult who may have lived his or her life independently without being accountable to a mate. 

Address a person’s concerns directly. Ask them what it is about your singleness that concerns her; be honest with your response.  Reassure her by sharing what you believe makes you ready today to find the love of your life. Whether married or single, middle-age can be a time for an “adult revolution” when we revise our adult identity and reinvent ourselves. The 40’s can be a gateway to new beginnings.  Work with a relationship coach to work through any internal conflicts and to build skills that will enable you to attract and sustain a loving mate. 

If you have a question you'd like to have answered please email Jianny at Jianny@fearlesslove.net or speak with her personally at 954-495-4566.

Watch My TV Interview On Intimacy

YouTube interviewI was recently featured as a guest on Divorce Connection Network with Attorney Tammy Saltzman. The focus of this episode is on intimacy and how the emotional and physical aspects of a relationship affect how we connect with our partners. What is the intimacy status of your relationship and what can you do to strengthen the bond?  Watch to find out!

 

 

Improving Intimacy

Everyone needs to feel safe in their romantic relationships, but sometimes the fear of intimacy will cause us to put up walls in order to protect our emotions.  I was interviewed by South Florida Divorce Attorney, Christopher R. Bruce on the subject of intimacy, its aspects and how to handle the difficulties of an intimate relationship.  Listen to my podcast "Improving Intimacy" to hear how to maintain a healthy relationship without losing your own sense of self.

 

If you have any questions or would like to schedule a free strategic consultation, please contact Jianny at Jianny@FearLessLove.net or speak with her personally 954-495-4566.

 

As the founder of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling, we specialize in matters of the heart for singles and couples desiring to create a safe and intimate marriage that lasts a life-time. I support couples to increase understanding, connection and intimacy — recharge the love that brought you together. Be equipped with positive communication and conflict resolution skills while refining intimacy skills. For singles interested in meeting the love of their life, I assist you to break through fears and limitations, heal from past relationships and to live authentically. Don’t just fall in love…live in love.

For divorcees, I support you to stabilize, heal, and recover; navigate through this life transition in a way that promotes a healthy living and to finding love again by finding yourself first. Nothing excites me more than to empower you to embrace balance, inner peace, passion, and love.

Jianny Adamo,MA, LPC, LMHC, NCC

238 NE 1st Ave, Ste.104, Delray Beach, FL 33444

 

 

Rethinking Marriage

I’m 41 and have been together with my girlfriend for 2 years and everything is great. We’ve talked about getting married, but I’m not sure that is the best route for me. She understood, at the beginning that I was not interested in getting married again, but there might be a time in the future when I would possibly reconsider. I’ve been married before and lost a great deal in my divorce. I’ve read that second and subsequent marriages can suffer from divorce rates higher than the first! I’ve been mulling over the idea of our commitment. I love her dearly and would be happy to adopt her children as my own and move to the next step of living together. What do you think about re-marriage? When do you think it’s a good idea or not? Would you ever recommend re-marriage when the chances of divorce are potentially so high? Is there a case for re-marriage?  -  Kenny

 

Dear Kenny,

Thank you for asking for support while considering the next steps in your relationship.  Your willingness to adopt your girlfriend’s children demonstrates your commitment to them.  If you are willing to put it all on the line for the children, what’s keeping you from doing the same for the woman you love dearly?

You indicated you had been married before and lost a great deal.  The ugly truth about divorce is it’s not supposed to happen.  When it does, it tears apart two people, two hearts once joined as one.  It’s unnatural. As human beings we connect, relate and bond.   Divorce can leave you picking up the pieces, to make sense of a world that’s upside down and in a state of chaos.  The good news is that you can recover from divorce as you can from many traumas.  The question is not if there’s a case for re-marriage.  The real question is, are you willing to recover from your losses, learn from the past and open yourself again to unconditional love and marriage?  It requires risk. It always does. Today, you’re aware of the cost when it fails.  Take your time. Complete your healing and love. Paradoxically, the antidote to your losses is your ability to once again be able to express unconditional love.

 

Love or Security?

I have been dating a wonderful man for about 6 months and I don't think I have ever felt more loved, adored and appreciated by anyone, however he has no steady income. I am in my early 50's, divorced, and not making much money.  I am concerned about my financial future. He provides for my emotional needs, but not the realistic side: money, home, necessities, vacations, etc. This sounds a bit superficial, but it is also a reality. He talks about being together forever and that I am the love of his life. He says he has been looking for work but he is an artist.  I have broken up with him over these concerns regarding finances, yet we keep getting back together as there is a strong emotional connection. Bottom line: I have a wonderful sweet man who loves, adores, appreciates and cherishes me unconditionally. I am comfortable with him, love him, and can be myself with him. No situation is perfect. I could end up alone and poor, so perhaps I should just be thankful and grateful for what I have or am I settling?   - Sophia

 

Dear Sophia,

We have certain basic needs that need to be met in order for us to function. We need food; clothing and shelter. Physical safety as well as financial security are important to our well-being. Just as important is our need for love and a sense of belonging which is met through our friendships, community, family, and intimacy.

Our need for love and acceptance can often trump our physical and security needs. However, the answer is both.  You need both financial security as well as love. Love and security are non-negotiable. The number one reason for divorce is financial. So the man you consider to spend the rest of your life with should know the importance of these needs if you’re looking for smoother sailing in your relationship. Talk with your boyfriend.  Can you agree on a financial plan for your current situation and for your future?  If you can’t come to a mutually beneficial agreement then you have your answer. Fear of being alone should not compromise your well-being.

 

If you have any questions or would like to schedule a free strategic consultation, please contact Jianny at Jianny@fearlesslove.net or 954-495-4566

Friends With The Ex

Dear Fearless Love,

I am still friends with my ex, but my current boyfriend has an issue with this. We are just friends, but he feels uncomfortable about us still hanging out together. What am I obligated to do here? Do we break up or am I forced to give up the friendship even though we've known each other a very long time?

-Cindee

 

Dear Cindee,

I am assuming your ex is your ex-husband.  It is said that a divorce is 20% legal and 80% emotional.  In order to be emotionally available for your next relationship it is important to let go of emotional ties, dependencies and attachments of your past relationship.  This is very hard to do as it requires complete mourning, aka death, of the relationship:  What it was, what it wasn’t and what it will never be.  If you feel that you have already gone through all the stages of grief: Denial/Isolation, Bargaining, Anger, Depression; Acceptance and now have reestablished a new relationship with your ex but it is getting in the way of your new love, you may want to consider which of these relationships is the most important.  Do you want to hold on to the past relationship which is safe and predictable? Do you want to embrace a new relationship and its uncertainties?  Examining your answers to these questions may help determine how to approach each of them.  Ultimately, it is important for you to have clarity unto what it is you really want for yourself as well as making sure you are truly honoring the relationships you are in. 

 

Arguing Skills, Anyone?

Dear Fearless Love,

From time to time, my husband and I argue – over big and little things. While he tends to keep his cool, typically I usually get very upset and often say things that I regret. This makes it even worse. I love my husband and don't want to damage our relationship, however I don't know how to "argue" the right way. He says I overreact and create mountains out of molehills. What can I do to bring more peace to our relationship and to diffuse issues so they don't turn into arguments or, if they do, how can I prevent things from getting out of hand?

-Martiza

 

Dear Martiza,

In an argument both you and your spouse are trying to be heard.  Emotions are high; however, take responsibility for your attitudes and behaviors. Stay away from: criticism, defensiveness, sarcasm, blame or any vague communication style that’s disrespectful.

Slow down.  1-Mirror back what you heard and 2- make sure you understood his perspective.  3-Validate the parts you agree with and 4-ask if there is more he wants to share before you reveal your opinions and position on the topic. 5-Invite your husband to reciprocate this active listening exercise until you both feel heard.

Active Listening Exercise: 

1-Mirror-- “I heard you say that I overreact and create mountains out of molehills.”

 2-Confirm—“Did I get that?”

Wait for response.

3-Validate or empathize—if he feels understood, “I agree that I usually get very upset and often say things that I regret.”

If he doesn’t feel understood, ask him to repeat the message and repeat the three steps until he feels you heard him.

4- Question-- “Is there more on this issue you’d like to share?” and listen if there is.

5-Recipricate- If his thought is complete, “Would you listen to my response and make sure you get me before responding? Thank you.”

Conflicts are natural to relationships. Remember making-up deepens the love, connection and passion!

 

If you have a question for Jianny email her at Jianny@FearlessLove.net or speak with her personally 954-495-4566.

 

As the founder of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling, we specialize in matters of the heart for singles and couples desiring to create a safe and intimate marriage that lasts a life-time. I support couples to increase understanding, connection and intimacy — recharge the love that brought you together. Be equipped with positive communication and conflict resolution skills while refining intimacy skills. For singles interested in meeting the love of their life, I assist you to break through fears and limitations, heal from past relationships and to live authentically. Don’t just fall in love…live in love.

For divorcees, I support you to stabilize, heal, and recover; navigate through this life transition in a way that promotes a healthy living and to finding love again by finding yourself first. Nothing excites me more than to empower you to embrace balance, inner peace, passion, and love.

Jianny Adamo,MA, LPC, LMHC, NCC

238 NE 1st Ave, Ste.104, Delray Beach, FL 33444

www.fearlesslove.net

Tel: 954-495-4566

Ask Fearless Love: Lasting Love

Ask Fearless LoveAfter the affair: Tell or Do Not Tell?
I cheated on my husband and I haven’t told him. I’ve broken it off with the other man. I know what I did was wrong and I feel guilty and awful. I don’t even know why I did it. My husband is a wonderful man and he’s been nothing but devoted and good to me. I fear that if I tell him, I’ll destroy our marriage of 12 years and create even more problems. I don’t want this to instigate a divorce or hurt our kids. What should I do? Should I just try to move on as if nothing happened?
—- Michelle

Dear Michelle,
Yes confess, but to a professional or mature friend, who can support you.  Look inward. You may feel a range of emotions from guilt, fear, shame to sorrow.  Figure out why you cheated.  Both men and women cheat primarily for emotional reasons. They feel lonely, disconnected, distant from their partner, taken for granted, or bored.  They also cheat when there isn’t enough sexual intimacy, which can happen when the relationship is not balanced: ranking high on being safe and secure but low on passion and spontaneity.

Once you have sorted your feelings and reasons then decide how to proceed.  Sometimes it is only necessary to ask for changes to get things back on track. Sometimes a confession is necessary.  At other times you can make the adjustments without involving your partner and let the past stay in the past. An example of the latter is if you have been neglecting yourself and your sex life. Embracing your sensuality, feeling beautiful and sexy doesn’t require a man!

No matter what you decide to do, don’t forget to forgive yourself. Forgiveness of self is necessary for healing and growth.

Will I be alone forever?
I’m in my thirties. I have a lot of friends and a career. What I don’t have is a partner. I feel left out of an important part of life and it breaks my heart. All of the relationships I’ve had were disasters. Now, I feel there is little hope of finding anyone to share my life with. To others it appears that I’m happy and successful, but the truth is very different. I’m afraid of being alone forever. What should I do?

— Ella

Dear Ella,
Not finding your life partner can be very disheartening.  No, you don’t need to be alone forever. There is love and a person out there for you.  You may need to engage in a little soul searching and clearing the path first.

Using a sheet of paper, take a look at your relationship history.  List all of your significant relationships – family, teachers, boyfriends, friends and anyone who’s had an impact on your life. List the positive traits and the negative traits of each relationship not of the individuals.  You should be able to see patterns and common threads emerging.

Are there relationship cycles that need to be interrupted or broken? Are there fears and disempowering beliefs undergirding these patterns?

Some of these cycles can be overcome by reading and some may need the assistance of a professional.

Next learn to trust your instincts.  When you meet a potential candidate what does your gut tell you? It’s important to be aware of how you are responding to an individual. Consider it valuable information.  Take this insight and be intentional about what you want and what you are willing to work for to have a loving relationship.

Jianny Adamo, MA, LPC, LMHC, NCC
238 NE 1st Ave, Ste.104, Delray Beach, FL 33444
www.fearlesslove.net 
Tel: 954-495-4566

About Jianny Adamo, MA
As the founder of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling, we specialize in matters of the heart for singles and couples desiring to create a safe and intimate marriage that lasts a life-time. I support couples to increase understanding, connection and intimacy — recharge the love that brought you together. Be equipped with positive com-munication and conflict resolution skills while refining intimacy skills. For singles interested in meeting the love of their life, I assist you to break through fears and limitations, heal from past relationships and to live authentically. Don’t just fall in love…live in love.

For divorcees, I support you to stabilize, heal, and recover; navigate through this life transition in a way that promotes a healthy living and to finding love again by finding yourself first. Nothing excites me more than to empower you to embrace balance, inner peace, passion, and love.

Ask Fearless Love: Dating

Ask Fearless Love: Dating After Divorce?

Dating after divorceI want to ask out a woman I know, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. She divorced her husband about 4 months ago. I’m not close friends with her, however we do know each other. She’s someone I’ve always liked and so when she divorced, I was actually happy I could pursue her. What’s your advice about asking someone out after a divorce? Good idea or not? Is it too soon? She’s a great lady and I’d love to get to know her better.     -Will
 
Dear Will,
It’s a good idea to take a timeout from romantic relationships after a divorce.  This time is best used to complete the stages of grief which starts prior to filing for divorce: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  Individuals cycle through in no particular order and revisit different stages until reaching complete acceptance of their loss.  Ending a marriage represents a loss of hopes and dreams, perhaps a lifestyle and requires learning how to live without your other half.  Divorce is never easy and can be more stressful than the death of a spouse. Following a divorce, individuals need time to heal, and if there are children it is wise to give them time to adjust to their new reality before introducing another person into their lives.
Your lady friend is the only one who can decide when she’s ready to date. Generally speaking, it takes about 1 year for every 5 years of marriage for the emotional divorce and healing to complete.  Call her and at the very least be a friend.  Allow things to evolve naturally.  She may be happy to have male companionship at this stage of her process and with your sensitivity she may see you as a gift.

Wait! I Want a re-do on the “Will you …”

I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years about two weeks ago and she said “yes.” Now, I’m regretting that move. We’re both in our forties and our children are out of the house. We’ve lived together all this time as if we were married — or at least for 4 of the 5 years we’ve been together. So why change a good thing? I’ve noticed that as soon as I proposed, I started to feel anxious, suffocated and like I wanted to run away from all of this. I do not want to get married! What should I do? I have no intention of leaving her, but I really don’t want to change the way things are. I’m just not sure how to bring this up to her.
Scott
Dear Scott,
Post engagement jitters can occur at times.  Be patient with your anxieties as perhaps they may be drawing your attention to unfinished business from a past relationship or marriage that needs completion prior to moving on to the next marriage.  Other reasons for the anxieties can arise from anticipation of role and/or responsibility changes.  Talk with your fiancé about these concerns. Open and honest communication leads to greater understanding and deeper connection, the antidote to the jitters.
I’d imagine that your fiancé is very important to you.  Re-negotiating the engagement may back fire and cause a rift in the “good thing” you have established with her.  It may be seen as a lack of commitment on your part.  Love takes courage.  I wish you the best and may you find a way to attain what you truly want in spite of your fears.
 
 
If you have a question for Jianny email her at Jianny@FearlessLove.net or speak with her personally 954-495-4566.
As the founder of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling, we specialize in matters of the heart for singles and couples desiring to create a safe and intimate marriage that lasts a life-time. I support couples to increase understanding, connection and intimacy — recharge the love that brought you together. Be equipped with positive communication and conflict resolution skills while refining intimacy skills. For singles interested in meeting the love of their life, I assist you to break through fears and limitations, heal from past relationships and to live authentically. Don’t just fall in love…live in love.
For divorcees, I support you to stabilize, heal, and recover; navigate through this life transition in a way that promotes a healthy living and to finding love again by finding yourself first. Nothing excites me more than to empower you to embrace balance, inner peace, passion, and love.
Jianny Adamo,MA, LPC, LMHC, NCC
238 NE 1st Ave, Ste.104, Delray Beach, FL 33444
Tel: 954-495-4566

Ask Fearless Love

Dear Fearless Love, Who are you – really?

loveI am considering joining an online dating site. I have heard that people online frequently misrepresent themselves and many are already married. I think people you meet in person can do the same thing. That got me thinking, what information should I be asking people I “meet” online. What type of information should I ask when we’re corresponding and before we actually meet?
– Anthony, 49 and divorced

Dear Anthony,
I find the title of your request to be your guide: Who are you- really, Anthony?  Whether dating online or in more traditional ways the first order of business is to know yourself.
You should know whether you are looking for recreational short-term dating, long-term relationship or marriage.

What are your non-negotiables for example: honesty, financial stability, where you’d like to live, children, lifestyle, religion, etc.?  How about your interests? Do you see yourself rollerblading, bowling or going to the symphony with your partner?

Once you narrow down your needs and interests what you are looking for becomes more apparent.  You can tailor your conversations around what’s important to you.  Also pay close attention to how you feel both on the phone call and in person. Trust your intuition.  If you are sensing something is not quite right or a red flag comes up than you’re probably right.  Don’t make excuses for it and move on.

There are a variety of online dating site. Do your research before making a selection as you may find that some sites can take a lot of the guess work out of the sorting process.
Happy Dating!

Dear Fearless Love,
I’m 35 and have been married 3 years. Frankly speaking, I married because¬ I didn’t want to be left alone. I got caught up in the fun of the romance and the wedding planning. So here I find myself with all the newfound fun a distant memory and wondering how to “make this work.” We do love each other. But now I want more for the both of us. How do we start over?
Can it be done? And, how do we do this?
–Beve, 35 married

Dear Beve,
It seems that you have moved through the honeymoon or romanticized love phase of your relationship which centers on attraction, bonding, ecstasy, hopes and dreams, usually lasting about 2-3 years.  The next phase is described as the power struggle depicted with disillusionment, frustration, anger and/or being at an impasse, which would explain why the fun is a distant memory and you’re wondering how to “make it work”.

Congratulations for wanting more out of your relationship.  You’ve entered the re-commitment phase, which is a journey of growth and healing.  From here you move into doing the work to co-create the marriage of your dreams.  Start by asking yourself what your ideal marriage looks like.  You can create a collage of pictures or a mind map of words to help you.  Be real with yourself first.  Then share your dreams with your husband, keeping an open mind that he may have his own visions and dreams. With a renewed vision of what marriage is, for the both of you, and dedication to it, you can attain the love and connection that only exists in committed love.  Enjoy the journey of rediscovering love.

If you have a question for Jianny email her at Jianny@FearlessLove.net or speak with her personally 954-495-4566.

 
 

As the founder of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling, we specialize in matters of the heart for singles and couples desiring to create a safe and intimate marriage that lasts a life-time. I support couples to increase understanding, connection and intimacy — recharge the love that brought you together. Be equipped with positive communication and conflict resolution skills while refining intimacy skills. For singles interested in meeting the love of their life, I assist you to break through fears and limitations, heal from past relationships and to live authentically. Don’t just fall in love…live in love.

For divorcees, I support you to stabilize, heal, and recover; navigate through this life transition in a way that promotes a healthy living and to finding love again by finding yourself first. Nothing excites me more than to empower you to embrace balance, inner peace, passion, and love.

Jianny Adamo,MA, LPC, LMHC, NCC

238 NE 1st Ave, Ste.104, Delray Beach, FL 33444

www.fearlesslove.net

Tel: 954-495-4566

Grand Opening Celebration

Jianny Adamo's photo.

13 Signs You Are Stuck In A Bad Romance

Is low self-esteem at the root of your unhappy relationships?

  1. Lacks a Conscience
    He still has current pictures of his last girl and shows up to places she will be present, even though she started a campaign against him to warn any would-be lovers.
  2. Does Not Make You a Priority
    He prioritizes his ex-wife’s needs over yours, but he tells you it’s for the sake of the children. The baby is 18 years old...hmmm.
  3. Manipulates
    He doesn’t call or contact you while he is traveling. But he does show up with a gift because he knows you are pissed.
  4. Disrespects You
    You request to be home by 11 pm and you need to remind him that it’s 10:45 pm. He tells you he still needs more time before driving you home, when, as it is, your home is 35-minutes away. Your needs are ignored even when clearly spoken.
  5. Lacks Thoughtfulness
    You’ve been under chiropractic care. It doesn’t come naturally to him to try to alleviate your pain. You are forced to ask and/or beg for a neck rub every time you are together.
  6. Puts You Down
    He calls you a princess for having expectations about being seen and heard in the relationship.
  7. Undependable
    He is all about having fun when you are together but when you need his help with a school, work, or home project, he leaves you hanging.
  8. Projects His Own Issues
    He doesn’t safeguard the relationship and is still communicating in social groups with other single ladies, yet accuses you of flirting with other men when you are out.
  9. Lacks Integrity and Honesty
    When you ask him a question he gives you a quick answer. He appeases you in order to avoid a fight. Deep down inside you know there is something wrong with what he said and what you have experienced. You feel emotionally unsafe and/or insecure.
  10. Lacks Commitment
    He doesn’t introduce you to his family nor does he invite you to any of their weddings and gatherings. He also refuses to go to any of your family events.
  11. Self-centered
    “Us” is not part of his vocabulary. He says your standards are too high and making you happy makes him feel pressure. The truth is, love moves us to give selflessly.
  12. Lacks Self-control
    You ask him to respect certain sexual boundaries. He tells you he hears you and the next minute he moves through those boundaries.
  13. Plays With Your Emotions
    Instead of asking you out on a proper date, he calls you at the last minute or shows up where he knows you will be, just to hook up. He calls it being spontaneous. I call it playing with your emotions and having nothing to offer you.

Finding a man who will respect and care for you can be tough but not impossible. The power is within you;  you deserve better. For many, our experiences have created confusion about our worthiness. Get in touch with your true values and who you really are. Being authentic invites others to be authentic. Soon you will make a true connection of love, based on reality, not fantasy.  The perfect man does not exist. There will be no white knight to rescue you.  

Do not settle until you have the right balance of heart-skipping love, passion and peace with a person who will respond to your needs, support and challenge you. 

If you or someone you know deals with low self-esteem issues, please feel free to contact me at jianny@fearlesslove.net or call 954-495-4566.

Fearless Love In Delray Beach, FL

238 NE 1st Avenue, Suite 104
Delray Beach, FL 33444

I am delighted to announce the opening of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling in historic Bankers Row in Delray Beach, Florida. Fearless Love founded in 2011, specializes in matters of the heart for singles and couples who desire to create a safe and intimate marriage that lasts a life-time.

Since opening its doors Fearless Love has worked with clients through-out North America, Europe and South America offering hope, healing and restoration. Virtual coaching is available through video conferencing and phone consultations making ­­­­Fearless Love accessible to all.

Couples increase understanding, intimacy and passion -- recharging the love that brought them together. By equipping them with effective communication and conflict resolution skills, encouraging self-discovery as well as refining their intimacy skills, clients experience greater success in their personal and professional relationships.

Singles complete a 12-Week Conscious Dating Program that promotes healing from past relationships and prepares them to meet the love of their life. Clients are prepared to not only fall in love, but to -- live in love -- by living authentically and learning how to honor themselves as well as their mate.

Divorcees stabilize, heal, and recover from the, often times, traumatic event of uncoupling and starting over.  Clients discover the art of safe guarding their hearts while maintaining an open heart that leads to healthy living and to love again.

Christian  and spiritual counseling available.

It's my joy to empower my clients to move past fear and limitations and to embrace a rewarding life centered in inner peace, passion and love.

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