We all want to know how to get over someone we once loved after a breakup left us with a broken heart.
But, if you find yourself still thinking, “I hate what he did to me, but I still love him,” getting over an ex and moving on from the heartbreak may be trickier. That said, healing after a break up is certainly not impossible.
A broken heart is painful, just like a broken limb. Although, grief, fear, and anger may not be avoidable, don’t lock yourself in your room for the next 12 months.
Your heart can regenerate and heal and ditch the heartache for a happier feeling.
Here are five tips to help with the process of healing from a breakup so you can move on and mend your broken heart.
1. Ditch the negative thinking
This includes negative thoughts about yourself, your loved ones, and your circumstances.
When you’re trying to get over a heartbreak, it’s time to swap those negative thoughts out and replace them with positive, affirming statements like these:
- “I am healing my broken heart and I am redefining life on my own terms.”
- “Everything is just the way it should be. It will all work together for good.”
What’s causing you discomfort, at the moment, in time, will become a speck of dust. Just keep moving with some slow, deep breathing, taking your time to literally smell the roses.
2. Stop people-pleasing
You haven’t got time for that when you’re getting over a breakup. Get comfortable with saying “no” to people and tasks that don’t line up to your objectives or don’t add value to your life.
3. Ditch the DIY projects or anything else that drains your energy and enlist help instead
Why get depleted with mundane or trivial tasks you don’t enjoy? When getting over it ending, treat yourself to support yourself. Hire service to clean or complete projects around your home.
How about a virtual assistant, relationship coach, personal trainer, nutrition coach, decorator or chauffeur? The possibilities are endless.
You don’t have to do it alone and many of these services are negotiable.
4. Let go of any remaining bitterness and resentment
Negative energy takes a toll on your body. So when you’re getting over someone, swap to a grateful heart.
Starting each morning with an appreciation or affirming thought puts you a step closer to happiness.
And when you practice forgiveness, it frees you from the past and opens your heart to love again.
5. Pause yourself from spending money on shopping sprees
Your piggy bank will appreciate it. A great way to purge of things reminding you of your ex is by hosting a Sip and Swap party with 8–12 of your closest friends.
While you serve wine and cheese, everyone brings bags of lightly used clean personal items they no longer want. Swap jewelry, shoes, clothes, bags, resort wear, accessories.
In more eccentric parties, you’ll find lingerie, bathing suits, and wedding gowns. It’s better than a bazaar! You’ll want to host them, seasonally. Whatever doesn’t get swapped gets donated to charity.
When we love, we become vulnerable to our significant other. Love can blind us to our partner’s abuse such as in the case of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse. Thus, breaking up can leave us in shambles.
If your pain persists, talk with a counselor to help repair your broken heart.
Jianny Adamo, LMHC, LPC, is a therapist, best-selling author and speaker with over 13 years of clinical experience, including 10 years as a telehealth therapist. She holds mental health counselor licenses in Florida and New Jersey.