Believe it or not, the best way to determine whether you are on the path of fake or fearless love is to become clear about how the person you’re involved with makes you feel.
Someone who cares about you will place you at the same level or higher than themselves.
They confide in you first and your opinion matters most. Your well-being comes first.
Their behavior will line up with making sure you accept them and return their affection. These are the characteristics of fearless love.
21 questions that tell you if it’s fake or real love:
- When we are together, do I feel comfortable and happy, or do I feel sad, confused, or frustrated?
- Do I respect him, or do I want to change him?
- Does he respect me, or are my feelings and boundaries disregarded?
- Do I appreciate how he impacts my life, or do I feel used?
- When I share my thoughts, feelings, and worries, does he listen and respond with compassion, empathy, and care, or am I invalidated?
- Does the relationship matter equally to each of us? Is he available for me or do I need to chase him when I’m hurt, stressed, or ill?
- Is there a balance in our giving and getting, or am I doing the work of maintaining the relationship?
- Does he place my needs equal to or above his own or am I being ignored?
- Do we bring out the best in each other, or do I feel like the parent or the bad guy at times when I’m with him?
- Do I enjoy talking with him? Do I feel heard and acknowledged or do I feel misunderstood?
- Do his behaviors and words match? Can I trust him to keep his word or is he manipulating me?
- Does he take my views into consideration when our opinions differ or am I undermined?
- Can I say “no” to him or is my “no” not heard or respected?
- Do we have similar beliefs and values or am I just going along for the ride without having my own sense of self?
- Do I like his lifestyle, or does it conflict with mine?
- Is he financially responsible and does he have a plan for the future, or is he flying by the seat of his pants?
- Do we both value honesty, transparency, and commitment or are there inconsistencies?
- Does he plan his future with me — dates, family gatherings, and holidays— or am I the secret girlfriend?
- Is he intentional with me and clear about what he wants or is he evasive and non-committal?
- Have I been honest about what’s important to me to be happy in a relationship? Does he seem capable of giving me what I want, or am I made to feel like I want too much?
- Is my happiness important to him, and does he see a future with me, or am I the only one who’s vested in our future and happiness together?
When you are in a healthy relationship, every part of you can be known, challenged to grow, respected, supported, and loved completely and fearlessly. It’s my goal to empower and educate you with the tools needed to avoid people who are incapable of expressing love, as well as to support your healing journey when love and the loveless collide.
Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Coaching and Counseling supports singles and couples breaking through fears and limitations to create safe and intimate marriages and relationships.