Love or Security?

Dear Fearless Love,

I have been dating a wonderful man for about 8 months and I don’t think I have ever felt more loved, adored and appreciated by anyone, however he has no steady income. I am in my early 50’s, divorced, and not making much money. I am concerned about my financial future. He provides for my emotional needs, but not the realistic side: money, home, necessities, vacations, etc. This sounds a bit superficial, but it is also a reality.

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He talks about being together forever and that I am the love of his life. He says he has been looking for work but he is an artist. I have broken up with him over these concerns regarding finances, yet we keep getting back together as there is a strong emotional connection. Bottom line: I have a wonderful sweet man who loves, adores, appreciates and cherishes me unconditionally. I am comfortable with him, love him, and can be myself with him. No situation is perfect. I could end up alone and poor, so perhaps I should just be thankful and grateful for what I have or am I settling? – Sophia

Dear Sophia,

We have certain basic needs that need to be met in order for us to function. We need food; clothing and shelter. Physical safety as well as financial security are important to our well-being. Just as important is our need for love and a sense of belonging which is met through our friendships, community, family, and intimate partner.

Our need for love and acceptance can often trump our physical and security needs. However, the answer is both. You need both financial security as well as love. Love and security are non-negotiable. One of the top three reasons for divorce is financial. So the man you consider to spend the rest of your life with should know the importance of these needs if you’re looking for smoother sailing in a long-term relationship. Talk with your boyfriend. Can you agree on a financial plan for your current situation and for your future? If you can’t come to a mutually beneficial agreement then you have your answer. Fear of being alone should not compromise your well-being.