Married For The Wrong Reasons!
Dear Fearless Love,
I’m 35 and have been married 3 years. Frankly speaking, I married because I didn’t want to be left alone. I got caught up in the fun of the romance and the wedding planning. So here I find myself with all the new found fun a distant memory and wondering how to “make this work.” We do love each other. But now I want more for the both of us. How do we start over? Can it be done? And, how do we do this?
It seems that you have moved through the honeymoon or romanticized love phase of your relationship which centers on attraction, bonding, ecstasy, hopes and dreams, usually lasting about 2-3 years. The next phase is described as the power struggle depicted with disillusionment, frustration, anger and/or being at an impasse, which would explain why the fun is a distant memory and you’re wondering how to “make it work”.
Congratulations for wanting more out of your relationship. You’ve entered the re-commitment phase, which is a journey of growth and healing. From here you move into doing the work to co-create the marriage of your dreams. Start by asking yourself what your ideal marriage looks like. You can create a collage of pictures or a mind map of words to help you. Be real with yourself first. Then share your dreams with your husband, keeping an open mind that he may have his own visions and dreams. With a renewed vision of what marriage is, for the both of you, and dedication to it, you can attain the love and connection that only exists in committed love. Enjoy the journey of strengthening your love and your marriage.
If you find that you are still stuck, you may need to enlist the support of a qualified marriage counselor. I’m on a mission to Empower, Educate, and Enlighten individuals and couples to release the pain of the past, live more authentically and create safe, intimate marriages and Fearless Love that will stand the test of time.