How Predators Groom You To Love Them
When a man is quickly captivated by your awesomeness and wants to know everything about you, it’s easy to be swept off your feet. Finally! Could it be the real thing? Or is there a little gremlin at the pit of your stomach telling you he’s too good to be true? Beware of the man who very swiftly wants to get into your head, gets under your skin, and in between your sheets.
According to the CDC 2010 report, violence by an intimate partner (rape, physical or stalking) is experienced by 1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men that is 29% or over 34 million women impacted in the United States alone. On average, 24 people per minute are victimized by an intimate partner. Female victims experience multiple forms of violence in their lifetime including more deaths than men by the hands of an intimate partner or ex-romantic partner.
Often, a psychopath, narcissist or sexual predator can come across as the kind of person you wouldn’t suspect because he is “too nice” or he’s in a position of power serving the community. Their double life causes you to drop your guard, allowing them into your life or access to your children without suspecting anything.
Predators are imposters that can fool just about anyone. With an insatiable hunger for power, money, sex and exploitation, these social predators are characterized by manipulativeness, superficial charm, deception, lack of empathy and remorse, glibness, impulsiveness, a disregard for the law and callousness. Their inability to make deep connections, be loyal or have concern for the wellbeing of others produces the most dangerous people on the planet.
An encounter with a psychopath is not accidental. Victims are TARGETED and chosen for specific reasons. The predator sizes up vulnerabilities and strengths to exploit. Skilled in decoding body language and pattern of speech gives them an advantage in selecting victims. Targeting includes a wife selection, which creates the facade of family man and normalcy to better integrate in the community. Predators can often be successful, have a beautiful wife, and the “perfect family” to cover a cold, controlling, physically and/or sexually violent insecure man.
GROOMING involves deceiving you into believing you are safe with the psychopath. Some of these tactics are cyber-stalking and “showing up” at public places where you will be, love bombing with special attention and communication, gifts or acts of generosity and creating opportunities where he can isolate you. A predator will bully with kindness and disrespect, seduction and persuasion; manipulations and charm.
For you, the whirlwind romance manufactures a soul mate. But the grooming is a calculated process to gain your trust and gradually desensitizing you by violating your boundaries, altering your chemistry and hijacking your ability to love. You’re the next victim to supply the psychopath with adoration, nurturance and sex to feed his insatiable hunger for power and control.
The grooming happens quickly, not allowing for adequate time to analyze what is happening, how your life is being consumed by the psychopath or how you’re losing your power.
As a romantic partner, you will have glimpses into his vulnerabilities— feelings of inadequacy, immaturity, insecurities, isolation, and powerlessness— entrapping you further when you hope your love will rescue his darkness.
Once thoroughly hooked, the “nice guy” mask fades revealing a cold and callous individual. Jealousy, hypocrisy and double standards become the norm. Initially, the psychopath may be open to meeting some of your friends and family but quickly starts withdrawing participation from them. Becoming a secret girlfriend, as he will ISOLATE the relationship, enables him to keep psychological control over you and maintain multiple women in this manner.
The psychopath starts disappearing or manufacturing breakups, asks for forgiveness and romances you back. You’re gradually being conditioned to accept the cycle of violence where emotional and mental abuse becomes the foundation where other forms of abuse (sexual, physical, financial, etc.) will occur.
Narcissists and psychopaths are loveless individuals who are incapable of giving you a fairy-tale ending. You are worthy of a man’s respect, love, commitment and protection. It’s my goal to empower and educate so you have the tools needed to avoid people who are incapable of expressing love, as well as to support your healing journey when love and the loveless collide. You’re wired to give and receive Fearless Love!
From Love Trauma To Fearless Love: 7 Tango Steps for Breaking Free From Narcissists and Predators
Download the Free Excerpt: Lovetrauma.com.
National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey—2010 Summary Report [PDF4.27MB]